Trying to Start Over
by kawaiiangel20
Summary: She wanted to start over and forget it all. He hurt her more than she could ever imagine. She's ready to take the first step to her new life with a new love, but when the cause of all her worst memories returns, what will she do?
1. The Wedding

Hello! I was bored and started to type this off the top of my head so yeah. It's pretty crappy but enjoy =) R&R!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Marmalade Boy or any of the characters in it. I will some day though! MWAHAHA! =)

Trying to Start Over

Kawaiiangel20

As I gazed upon the silver mirror

I wondered if this person was really me

I wore a beautiful white flowered wedding dress

With lace around the end

Was I really ready to take the next step?

Could I risk all I had ever had and go for it?

Push all the memories I wanted to hang onto and push them behind?

Yes, I could.

I confronted myself.

I

Am

Going

To

Do

This.

No backing down.

"Yuu...You left me two years ago next month. I'm putting you behind me. I'm putting you in the past. You caused me more pain and sorrow than one can ever imagine. But he was there for me. I used to just think of him as a friend. Then a lover. Then the best guy friend I could ever have. Then nothing at all. And then a lover yet again. He helped me through this. Betrayal, Backstabbing, heartbreaking. Those were all the things I could think about for the next 4 months. Everyone told me it would be okay and that soon enough I would forget. But I didn't forget. I still haven't forgotten. I'm going to stop this and move on. Yuu, I loved you and never though you would do such a thing to me. But it's over. It's in the past and it's going to stay there. Goodbye Yuu. Hello new life." Those were my last thoughts, which were interrupted when my father came into my dressing room.

"My, Miki. You're finally getting married. I've raised you for 24 years, and now you're leaving me," My father said. I could see tears welling in his eyes.

"Dad, it's not like I'm leaving forever. You know that I'll be right across town. I'm only 13 minutes away!" I said comfortingly.

"Yeah, you're right. Why do I care anyways?" My father said, tears disappeared, happy.

An anime sweatdrop appeared across my forehead. "DAD!!" I exclaimed.

Just as I did, a familiar male walked in. My stepfather, whom I'd known for about 7 years now.

"Youji!" I exclaimed as I turned around. "I though you wouldn't make it," I said.

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked as he put a present down beside my dresser, along with a million others. "Your mother and Chiyako are already seated. It's almost time!".

"You're right," I said as I heard the organ begin to play the traditional Japanese wedding music. "I'm ready. I'm taking a step forward from my past and letting go of what I want to forget,"

"Miki.." said my father, half trailing off because he was unsure of what to say, and half because he was anxious to get out there, just like I.

"Dad, I'll be fine. Yuu is gone. I'm over him," I said. Was I really over him? Was I lying to myself? No. I love him and only him. He was there for me and helped me through this all. I love him with all my heart.

"Dad, Youji, I'm ready," I said. I was ready, but scared out of my wits.

Youji opened the door, and signaled with his hand for the two of us to follow. We walked silently down the stairs, my parents on either side of me. At the bottom of our staircase that had once been shared by 6 crazy family members, my best friend who'd been there for me also when I went through it all, held the door open for me.

She looked speechless. "Miki-san. I can only say that you look as radiant as I on my wedding day, if not more. I wish you good luck in your future, and to remember the good times from your past," said Meiko, tears dripping down her face.

I gave her a medium smile, then strutted forth with both my parents. I couldn't stand looking at her crying, for if I did, then I doubted I wouldn't cry. We came down the aisle where nearly 200 of my family members, relatives, friends, neighbors, and others were seated. All eyes gazed upon me. Some smiling, some crying, some just starring in admiration. It was silent, except for the organ player.

I looked around the crowd, then up to the priest, then Ginta. My, I thought, oh my, does he look handsome. I couldn't take my eyes off him as we walked down the aisle. Eyes locked together. It seemed a magical moment that would never be forgotten was being created.

I was walked up to a step, where around us was a gazebo and dozen of roses and dandelions. My favorites. Just then, I saw it. It was him. With her. The worst memory that had haunted me so many times. No, I thought, why now? This is supposed to be my time! I shouldn't be thinking about this. Trying to concentrate on the music and the priest's words, I still could not shut the horrifying memory out of my mind.

**Flashback**

I was so full of joy. Yuu was coming back from his college for a visit. It was late, but he promised to make it that Friday night. The Friday that would change my life forever. I skipped up to the gate of our front house. The one I had moved into nearly 4 ½ years ago. I opened it, feeling like I was floating on a cloud ever so high in the sky. It was around 8:30, the sun setting, and I had just come back from the grocery store, getting a few items for Yuu's return.

"Dad? Mom? Chiyako? Youji?" I yelled. "Anyone home?". I had then suddenly remembered they had gone out for the night and said they wouldn't be home until later. I would be home alone with Yuu. Just us. I was so happy. I though Yuu would have been back by now. He said around 7:30, and I had been out since 7:00. I dropped the grocery bags on the kitchen counter and walked upstairs.

"Yuu?" I asked opening the door that lead to his bedroom.

That was the part that had changed my life forever.

No. NO!! It wasen't. I was imagining this. I ran downstairs. I ran all the way to Meiko's house, tears falling down on my clothes and the street. But I didn't care.

The next day Yuu had called Meiko's house. He knew I would be there. He explained, or rather lied to my parents, and said that I had decided to spend the night at Meiko's. But I didn't have a lot of other choices.

"Miki. I didn't mean for you to see that. Actually, I didn't mean for that to happen,"

"DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT blame this on Arimi. I come home to find you two doing it. Explain that,"

"We had a lot to drink. She heard Ginta talking to you saying that I was visiting and she wanted to say hi. We went out and got drunk, came back here, and she pressured me into doing what you saw,"

"Yuu, don't blame Arimi, drinking, and pressure for your stupidness. What you did was wrong and I can never forgive you for it,"

"Miki..."

"Yuu, over and over you told me that you loved me, but tonight showed that it wasn't true. I'll never forgive you. You broke my heart. Leave me alone,"

The next day, I went over to Ginta's house. I told him what had happened. I could tell by the expression of his face that he might be more hurt than me, like when he was hurt so long ago by me. But this was different..

After that day, Yuu disappeared. He left the architecture institute he was at, packed what few belongings he carried at his home, and left. I couldn't believe that he would backstab me like that and then run away, throwing away all he had ever worked for. I shed so many tears for him over these years that I showed so much empathy, love, kindness, compassion, and everything else that a girlfriend could show. But he was gone, and I had to put that behind me.

**End flashback**

The memory which had stabbed my heart so was being brought back at one of the most important times in my life, if not the most important. I looked deep into his eyes. They showed courage that kept him through all he had been through. But this was supposed to be in the past. It was OUR turn to forget the past.

And we were going to.

All the bad memories.

Everything.

**At the after-wedding party **

I had gotten married. This was my next big step in life. All I could think about was our future. Together. The two of us. We would move into a house overtime, have children, and they would have children. Become grandparents. Grow old together. It seemed like every wife's dream.

The party had just about ended when I sat down. I was exhausted from all the hugs, kisses, dancing, present-opening, and conversations. There were still about a good 20 guests left. I decided to freshen up in the bathroom. I walked into the marble-stoned floor bathroom. It was beautiful. We had had a beautiful wedding in the backyard of my home, then went over to one of the most expensive hotels that you would ever find in the humble city of Kyoto.

I then overheard a conversation between my mother and step mother

"I can't believe it. Our Miki. Married!"

"I know. I can't believe it either. She was once the loud-mouthed, hot tempered girl that disapproved of our crazy family so much"

"Yeah. I know this is rather odd, but I recently got a call from Yuu. I only told Youji though,"

"Wow. What did he say? Where is he? Is he okay"

"He said he's been leaving with a few room mates for the past 2 years from his high school. He's in Seoul. He wouldn't tell me much though. He did say he was coming to visit on the 5th of August,"

"REALLY? What will Miki do. How can she face him? That's only a couple days away!"

"Hm..I never really thought about what she would do. I'm so worried. She never told us why the split up and he ran away. To tell you the truth, I don't think we will ever find out,"

Before anyone could say anything else, I had tears running down my face. Why did I have to hear that. I wasn't supposed to know. Especially on the day that was supposed to help me take a step to my new life. I ran out the two large wooden doors into the lobby, then out the main doors. Ginta had seen me run out, and started after me.

"Miki!" he yelled as he tried to keep up with my pace, which was quite easy, considering I was in an oversized dress and high heels. I turned around and thrust myself at him after running two blocks, winding my way through the city with pedestrians starring.

All I could do was mutter the same name over and over.

Yuu.

Aloha! I know this story really sucked like hell but I was bored and decided to write the fic. It's off of the top of my head so I just started typing. The next chapter should be a lot better but don't blame me if I don't update anytime soon. Schools starting and I have 2 other stories that are posted and I'll get around to posting my other one when I feel like it xD. Well anyways please R&R and please don't flame unless you feel the need to because it's that bad. Heh..See you all next time =)


	2. The Visit

Trying to Start over

Chapter 2

Kawaiiangel20

It had been exactly a week since the day that I had received the news. Since then, my husband and I had taken our 5 day honey moon which was a 3 day cruise to Hawaii, then touring various islands. Might I add a remarkable and unforgettable honey moon at that. No, nothing like THAT had happened…If you get the picture. I suppose as I was having fun, the past which I had pushed back was revealing itself over and over throughout my mind, torching me with delight. I did enjoy myself, but it was almost impossible to while being reminded of _him_. Knowing that when we returned, I would have to see _him_. And I doubt it was just me who was dreading the day. It was also Ginta.

Yet the day we feared had crept up upon us sooner than expected. And today was the day. After arriving home late last night from the honeymoon, we were too tired to even think about the day, and didn't speak much. Even though we were up and well rested now, not much was said.

My parents had called early this morning, making sure we had arrived last night and everything went well, which had…

"Moshi Moshi?"

"Ohayou-gozaimasu Miki! WE MISSED YOU!"

"Konichiwa Mom and Dad! I missed you too. Ogenki desu-ka?"

"We're fine, thanks. So uh, someone's been here for 3 days now. He's waiting to see you."

"Yeah, the trip was fine. Ginta's here and says hello."

"Miki-san…we know the trip went well. But someone's here and he's been waiting an awfully long time to see you again."

"Weather was fine…"

It must have been clear to my parents that I didn't want to talk about it, so they changed the subject.

"Well we thought you could meet us at that great teriyaki house downtown, the one we went to for Christmas a couple years back. You know, the one near the restaurant we all first met at,"

"Uh huh, we'll be there for a brief lunch. We do have lives we need to get back to. With work and all,"

"Yes Miki, but it's not everyday that we get to see Yuu. You know he's in his senior year of college?"

"Hai…"

"How about coming back to the house for just an hour…that would give everyone some time to talk,"

"Fine, but I really have to go. Ginta needs to get to the office before lunch. I'll see you there."

"Alright. We love you Miki, and so do Chiyako and Youji,"

Within a few hours, Ginta and I had both run into work and made sure everything was running alright. I was glad to finally be back home and in my office. I worked as a secretary at the center of company for a bank. Ginta on the other hand had a completely different job. He was an engineer for computers. After many had greeted me and welcomed me back, I headed out to pick Ginta up from work so we could just take one car instead of two.

We pulled into a parking spot directly in front of the restaurant. We were to meet them inside. I stepped out of the car to be met by a chilly August breeze. Various leaves were starting to drift to the ground, but had not exactly all turned brown, red, or yellow yet. Ginta had noticed them too as we got out because he was looking the same place as I. I chuckled silently; with Ginta getting an estranged look upon is face. I could feel the hotness upon my face. I guess Ginta could tell too because as we started walking, he grabbed my hand and gave me a reassuring look. I knew I loved Ginta so much at that moment.

"Welcome to our fine restaurant. Do you have a reservation?"

"We're here with the Matsuura-Koishikawa party."

"Ah, right this way"

We were led to the table with my 5 family members sitting around it.

And there he was. The man that had broken my heart numerous times, left me in devastation, and then don't hear of for another 2 years. Here he was. Sitting between his mother and father, my step-mother and step-father. There were 2 open seats for Ginta and I. We both sat down, I next to my mother, Ginta next to Yuu's father. It was after I sat down that our eyes finally met.

He looked slightly different. The sweet expression that came across his face almost every time we saw each other did not appear. His hair was slightly longer than 2 years ago. His eyes were partially covered with his long bangs. They were a broader brown color, and had a lost look deep inside them. He seemed to have better posture when sitting up, and although I hadn't seen him stand up, he seemed slightly taller than before, maybe an inch or two.

I could tell he was examining my looks, clothes, everything. His eyes did not move off of me until I picked up my menu. It shielded most of my face. I glanced over at Ginta. He still had that uncomfortable look upon his face. He looked over at me and smiled. I returned the smile and then looked back on the menu.

After conversation of our lives, Yuu's life and other light talk, we finished eating and slowly headed out after Dad paid the tab.

"Miki-san, why don't you and Yuu go in one car, and we can take Ginta in ours?"

"I guess…"

"What way you can catch up. It'll be good."

"Alright." I said hesitantly as Ginta and I exchanged looks.

Yuu headed over to my car, head down and hands in coat pockets. I quickly hugged Ginta goodbye and got in the car. I watched my family get into their minivan as I pulled out of the parking lot.

"So…I hear you and what's his face, Ginta got married?" Yuu asked to start casual conversation.

"Yeah, a week ago today."

"I see.."

"Yep. So are you seeing anyone?"

It took a while for him to respond to the question. After several moments of an awkward silence, he responded.

"I haven't been really close to anyone since you Miki,"

"Oh.."

"It's been so hard to get close to anyone…"

There was another slice of silence.

"Yuu…"

"Hm?"

"Can I just ask you why out of all the times in the past two years you have to come back now? I mean there were never any visits, and only a couple phone calls since you left. Why now?"

"Because….because…well it's not like I didn't miss my family or anything, y'know? My parents are part of my life, your parents, and you **_were_** a part of my life,"

The words clung to me and ripped at my heart. My throat became dry, my eyes starting to shimmer with water. But it was the truth, and it was the truth that was tearing at me.

I **_was_** part of his life. But I wasn't now. It was over. I suppose…

"Yeah, I would miss them too. Anyways…"

"Miki, I've missed you this whole time. I've thought about you everyday…"

"Yuu…"

"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that. But there is something else that I've wanted you to know,"

"Oh?"

"I've loved you all along. I never did stop loving you. I've regretted every single day what I did. I never meant for what went on between Arimi and I to happen,"

"That's nice Yuu. But really, what's in the past is in the past,"

"But Miki, I still love you. And all you can say is that's nice?"

"Yuu, I didn't mean it like that…but I'm married. I'm in love with someone else,"

"You don't love me anymore do you? I'm still in so much pain but if you don't love me then that's fine,"

"You slept with you ex, take off, leave me heartbroken for 4 months, I finally move on and get with Ginta, and when we get married and I finally put what you did in the past, and when I think I'm ready to move on, you come and bring it all back. I don't want this Yuu. I want it to be in the past. Its fine if you come and visit, but I just can't be with you. I don't see you as anything more than family. Do you not see that?"

"Do you think I could stay around after realizing what I did? You wouldn't even listen to what I had to say. I had to put it all behind also. But it's not like you didn't break my heart by leaving me off like that. I missed you so much and thought about all the times we had together. I still do. And it's almost impossible to think that things aren't like that anymore…but I was hoping that things might be the same when I came back,"

"Well Yuu, things aren't the same. I'm married and even if I might feel something for you, it doesn't matter anymore because it's in the past. Even if I feel the slightest resent for pushing my past in the back where I think it should be, it's not going to make a difference,"

There was yet again another awkward silence between us. We weren't far from my house, about another 2 minutes. If I could just keep quiet, things would probably be alright.

"Miki…I know not much that I say now will make a difference, but I just want you to know that you are still part of my family okay?"

"I know Yuu…"

"And I still love you,"

"If that's how you feel, then I'm not going to try and stop you. But I am going to stop myself because that's not how I feel about you. It's how I feel about Ginta-san,"

"Thanks for understanding thought. It means a lot to me, even if you don't feel the same way about me anymore,"

And with that being the last thing said to me before we pulled up into our driveway, it made me really think about what had happened since the last time I had seen Yuu. I did understand what he was saying. Though he may feel the way he does not, it doesn't matter if I love him or not. He's always going to feel that way about me, or at least until someone comes along that he can really hold onto. Is it really fair for me not to give him a chance? I already gave him that chance and he broke what we had. He just left me there. Now I suppose I can do the same. There isn't a lot that I can do now. I'm married and I'm fine where I am. Yuu could have came back a long time ago, even if would have been hard.

As we pulled up, the other cars did too. We all got out of our cars and headed in for some more visiting. Before anyone proceeded, I made sure to make my way over to Ginta. I could tell that the ride there had been quite odd from the expression on his face. Parents. What can you say? I let out a slight chuckle.

Ginta glanced back with a slight smile, showing me that he was feeling alright and not to worry. I was glad Ginta was here because if he weren't I do not know what I would do.

Soon the 7 of us headed into our old home, where I had grown up most of high school, created many memories, laughs, drama, and everything else you can possibly think of.

Ginta and I walked hand in hand over to a small couch just enough to seat the two of us. I began to feel very uncomfortable as everyone sat down. I could feel that something big was going to happen. Something between Ginta, Yuu, and I. And it wasn't a good something.


End file.
